An 'invisible' disease.

It's always interesting to think back on all of the ways my auto-immune disease has affected my life. Some days, it feels like yesterday that I was being admitted to the Alberta Children's Hospital, for the first time, with no idea what was wrong with me. While other times, it feels like a different lifetime. 

The truth is, I often reflect upon those times on Sunday nights. You see, Sunday night is when I take my injection of Humira - also known as Adalimumab, or to me and my family: the miracle drug that got me back to this somewhat normal lifestyle. 

Don't get me wrong, my disease is very much real, and it still takes it's toll on me on the daily. With joint pain, weird boughs fatigue/insomnia and other unexplainable symptoms, it becomes exhausting... But it's also pretty incredible to realize how far I've come in my battle through Behcets Disease/Rheumatoid Arthritis (or whatever the doctors are calling it this year). Let me explain. 

At 15 years old, I had no idea the pain, both emotional and physical, I would go through over the next decade. Not only did I have the normal challenges of my teenage girl years, I had to navigate the woes of high school while juggling ever-changing medications, dozens of monthly doctor's appointments and the emotional trauma my disease would have on my life.

I didn't realize that by my grade 12 year, I would need a handicap parking pass for my high school, because my arthritis had gotten so bad I could barely walk. I didn't know that I would have recurring ulcers in my mouth and esophagus or multiple flares of eye inflammation that would leave even the best doctor's scrambling for new treatments. I didn't know that I would lose most of my 'friends' because the reality of having a friend who looks different, acts different or is just too sick to make it to school was too much for any teenager to deal with.  

Looking back, it's crazy to think of the joy that a 20-something year old Allie felt the first time I ran up the stairs without worrying about my knees giving out. Or thinking back to the first specialist appointment where they were sure they had finally gotten my meds 'figured out'. If you would have asked me where I would be now ten years ago, this would not have been the answer. I honestly never thought I would lead a 'normal' life, but here I am, living so much more than that. 

 All in all, things have slowed down significantly over the years. And to be honest, I'll take the mini-flares and once-or-twice-a-year emergency room visits over what it was any day. 

#sundaythoughts

MY advice to first, second and third year teachers

Dear First/Second/Third year teacher,

Now that I am finishing up my third year of teaching, I would consider myself a little bit of an expert. An expert teacher? Oh no no no no no. I have become an expert in: countless questions for my admin, intermittent break downs and multi-tasking while trying to write report cards. I also have intermediate skills in getting through teacher evaluations and creating field trip forms with (many) errors. I have some knowledge in setting up a classroom, and then taking it down, and then setting it up again (okay, call me a perfectionist) and occasionally find myself giving helpful advice and supporting 9 year olds as they navigate the world of making and breaking friendships.

The truth is, I don't think there is such thing as being and expert teacher. Sure, those with experience have more tricks of the trade and can handle situations with a little more ease, but at the end of the day - teaching is constantly evolving.  There are new curriculums, and new schools of knowledge and yes, new kids. And to be clear, there is NEVER a dull moment.

I was once told that after my third year, things would continuously get easier (by the way, I can't wait!). So here it is... My not-so-official list of advice for first, second and third year teachers.

1. Find yourself a mentor AT YOUR SCHOOL. A teacher, a principal, an Educational Assistant, whoever! This is especially important in your first year. I was lucky enough to find myself in a school with many mentors, who have since become my friends. Your mentor is there to show you the ropes, give you advice, and listen to the countless problems you are going to encounter. But they are also someone you can go to for a good cry, and eventually, they just may cry to you too... because again, there is not such thing as an expert teacher.

2. Ask lots of questions. Remember in school when your teacher told you there was no such thing as a stupid question? Well, they were wrong. But ask them anyways. When in doubt, ask. When something is new, ask. When you're just not sure what the hell you're doing, ask. You'll not only look better for doing so, but your questions will often bring up learning opportunities that you wouldn't have had otherwise.

3. Relationships are EVERYTHING. I'm not kidding. Kids will not learn from someone they do not respect and from someone they think does not respect them. Listen to their problems, talk about their weekends and their parents, siblings, teddy bears, etc. and you will notice a huge difference in how they learn. Give them the opportunity to get to know you (and give parents this opportunity, as well). That way, when you do have those moments where you need to be strict and harsh, they know that you care and that you are just trying to help. (Also read Kids These Days by Jody Carington).
 3 a) consider your students' parents as a part of your "team". You're all in this for the same reason: the kids. Support them, let them support you and keep communication open and honest. Trust me, it makes a world of a difference.

4. Remember that there is no such thing as a bad kid or a bad class. I know a lot of teachers that would laugh at this one. Or friends and family that would say "but remember that one kid who ________". But hear me out. Kids aren't "bad", but they can be difficult. This year, a particularly challenging one for me, a friend told me something her mom told her when she became a teacher: "you always love the one who needs it the most at that time" - and this could not be truer. Remind yourself that the difficult student, or parent, or class is just an opportunity to grow.

5. Expect the unexpected. In three years of teaching, I have experienced students with severe behaviour. I have gone through a family emergency, and led students through a school-wide emergency. I have learned (or am learning) to teach remotely with very little notice and have had students with countless injuries, illnesses and other serious setbacks. How did I survive, you ask? You just do. You lean on your staff when you need them, and they lean on you when they need you. It's give and take (and give and take and give and take, etc.).

6. Remember that not everyone will like you. Students, teachers, staff alike. Just like out in the real world, you can't make everyone like you. It's just a fact. Be respectful, be kind, but also stand up for yourself. Chances are, for every person who doesn't like you, there are at least 3 who do. So chin up, you're killing it.

7. Prioritize. hah. This one is the hardest because on any given day, at least 5 people will ask you to do something that needs to be done immediately. Attendance, marking, parent emails, clubs - you name it. It's all about figuring out what actually NEEDS to be done immediately, and what can take the back burner.

8. Work/Life Balance - I still haven't fully figured this out. Every time I think I've figured it out, something pops up either at home or at school. I guess what I'm trying to say is make time for YOU. Make time for your friends, and make time for your family. I know, easier said than done... But burnout is real, especially in the early days. And without social interactions, it will happen. Be kind to yourself, and take care of yourself. Plain and Simple.

9. Exercise! I don't care if it's a walk around the block, a heavy weight lifting session or yoga... Move, even when you're tired. I don't know why this helps so much, but I know that as soon as I added exercise into my daily routine, I became a way better and more patient teacher. No lie.

10. Take your lunch break whenever you can't. Because there will be days that you can't, and those days will suck. Spend time with your colleagues in the staff room, even if it's for 10-15 minutes. Or go for a short walk. GET OUT OF YOUR CLASSROOM. It makes a huge difference, especially if you had a particularly rough morning.

Bonus: You're replaceable. The first time my admin said this to me, I wanted to cry. Me? Replaceable? Ouch. But what they meant was that there is always someone who can step in when you can't anymore. The kids are still going to be taken care of, whether or not you are there. They are going to learn, whether or not you are there. It may not get done in your way, but it'll get done. So take a sick day if you're sick, and take a personal day if you want/need one - and don't check your e-mail when you're off (cough, hypocrite). The kids will be okay without you.

I'm sure there are a million more things that I could add to this list, because let's face it, teaching is a hard job. It's exhausting, but I am also convinced it is one of the most rewarding careers you can choose. Find your passion, show up every day and do your best (the same advice you would want for your students). Love your job. Love your colleagues. It helps.

Sincerely,

Mme Allie

I'm 27 and I am immunocompromised.

So what does that mean exactly?

Immunocompromised, in my case, means that I am taking a medication that suppresses my immune system so that it no longer fights against itself - and I have been since I was 15 years old. In other words, it means that my body has a more difficult time fighting off infections and yes, virus', than the average person. 

No, I am not a senior. And no, if you looked at me you wouldn't know I am "sick", but that is the reality of being a young adult living with any sort of disease. I think what is most frustrating about this whole situation is that while yes, seniors are at a higher risk, so are so many others who look perfectly fine on the outside. Which means we need to be cautious. 

I have to admit, a week ago, I didn't think this whole Covid-19 pandemic was as serious as it is, but, to protect myself and those around me, I did stop going to grocery stores, and any other public spaces - i even called in sick to my job as a teacher regardless of the fact that classes were cancelled for students. I've practiced social distancing, and only interacted in person with a very small group of people who are/were symptom free. But the truth is, I'm probably going to be, if not already, infected by the virus - like many of you. It's everywhere, and at this point, it's inevitable. 

I guess the reason I started to write this blog is because I'm scared. The world is a terrifying place right now, and there is so much misinformation circling because everyone else is worried, too. But the people who are disinfecting every time they go to a store to deliver me food (and wine ;)) and the people who are explaining what immunocompromised means to their family and friends who may not have had an experience with it before are the people keeping me alive. Literally.

Every day seems to be an emotional roller coaster: where I wake up feeling that everything is going to be okay, and go to bed wondering how on earth I am going to get through this. My mental health is taking a toll despite the daily at-home yoga and workouts I have incorporated. Being told I cannot spend time with my sister (my best friend) because she is risking her life as a nurse, is heartbreaking. Standing 3 meters away from any dog owner I pass while walking my own, is heartbreaking. Wondering if I am going to be able to see any of my friends, or my boyfriend when he gets back from work, is heartbreaking.

I don't really know the point of writing this, because it doesn't really change anything, but it helped to get it all out there. Thanks for reading if you did :)